ercookies | TDM 015: IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PARADISE

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TDM 015: IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PARADISE

00. Arrival

You come out of the water, the Nameless Island's own inherent energy drawing people in. It's like being suspended between realities and abruptly pushed from behind through a rift in dimensions. It may make you sick, or that might be the motion of the ocean, lifting you to the surface and carrying you to shore.

Waterlogged and covered in sand, new arrivals will be greeted by robots who welcome them with towels and bracelet devices. The A5 card is already loaded up. If you don’t manage to get away from them quickly enough, they may even usher you toward the Laid Bare Spa, where new arrivals will be offered free massages, a sauna, hairstyling, and their clothing may come up permanently missing. But you will be given a complimentary towel to leave with if needed!

Feel free to explore the Island, though there isn’t much to see beyond what arrivals before you have helped to rebuild. Most of the buildings are abandoned and in dire need of repair, and beyond the city lingers a thick fog that obscures much of the wilderness from view. Wander too far into this fog, and you will find yourself mysteriously looping back to where you began, your memories of what you were doing and how you got there erased.

With that in mind, it may be wise to stake your claim on a place to live in the now, whether a rundown apartment in the City, a tent on the beach, a bed in the barracks, or your own space at the House of Worship. Your inventory will be found a day later, wrapped up haphazardly and delivered to each person's makeshift home.

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I. Beach Episode

Welcome to your beautiful and sunny island paradise, Erku! ...wait, it's sunny? That's right! For about two weeks, the Island will enjoy unusually warm and clear weather, just perfect for enjoying the cool waters of the beach. Don't swim out too far, however, lest you stray into hazardous choppy waters or get lost in the fog that still lingers beyond the peaceful cove. Just stay close, and you're golden! Once again, friendly robots have erected beachside food stalls for grilling fish and crabs, and encourage any enterprising Islanders to help hawk foods for credits.

If gutting and cleaning fish isn't your forte, however, never fear. The robots are recruiting for a very important task! You see, they have very thoughtfully set up swimming and snorkeling lessons for any Islanders who are doubting their skills at staying afloat, or who just want to have some fun in the waves. There is only one complication: the robots are too heavy to swim.

Enter, you! Earn credits by instructing your fellow Islanders in the marvels of the ocean. Not just swimming and snorkeling, but also fishing, clam digging, and sand castle art - among other things - are valuable skills you can sell.

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II. Sand Sport

For the more competitive sort, the robots of Erku are happy to share a bit of culture from the planet's ancient past: wet sand wrestling! Volunteers (or any innocent Islander roped off the beach by an enthusiastic 'bot) don their skimpiest swimwear and duke it out for dominance in the wet sand by trying to throw their opponent outside of a ring. Knock-outs count as an automatic lose, so be careful! Oh, and no worries if you aren't particularly strong. Before the match, competitors are offered a a special drink - simply named "The Creamy" - an ancient recipe which is said to temporarily increase your strength and vitality. One shot of this, and anyone could take on Goliath! (And not just in a fight.)

By the way… those who lose the competition are mysteriously compelled to accompany the victor for the day, waiting on them hand and foot, anticipating and fulfilling their needs before they are spoken. Did the 'bots forget to mention that?

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III. Graciously Given Gifts

While swimming in the nude is completely acceptable on the Island, the robots know that many residents still (for some reason) value their modesty. That is why they are happy to encourage beachside revelry and communion by making sure scanty swimwear is readily available to Islanders who are in need of something to cover up with - while still showing off your assets, of course. Islanders may purchase for themselves, but they are especially encouraged to gift swimwear to their fellow Islanders... in fact, any swimwear to be given as a gift is free! Not only is it a lovely gesture to let a friend or lover know you appreciate their body, but also, swimwear received as a gift is said to be very good luck in wet sand wrestling competitions.

Naturally, the robots are sensitive to the emotional needs of their organic charges, and thus they wouldn't want any new, recent, or less personable arrivals to the Island to feel left out for not receiving gifts. That's why some Islanders will find surprise swimsuits in pretty gift wrap sitting on their literal or metaphorical doorstep… addressed with love from a random Islander! With thoughtfully written messages included, of course, usually complimenting the recipient's figure in graphic and/or poetic terms.

If you have any manners, surely you'll find these mystery admirers and thank them for the lovely gift! (If you're really a person of culture, maybe you'll even show it off for them.)

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N A V I G A T I O N

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A good man, but not a very good father. Perhaps they had more in common than anyone might guess at first glance? Even Seteth might be surprised to hear it, should anyone think to make the comparison; they hadn't spoken often, but Seteth had respected Rodrigue well enough when they'd had the chance to meet. To think such a skilled knight would be forced into such a position.....

Well. Now isn't the time to ask about that, isn't it? Felix has surely struggled with the loss enough; he doesn't need that wound torn open any further. They have an entirely new way of life to prepare Felix for instead. Seteth shakes his head, regathering his thoughts. "These bracelets allow us to more or less integrate into the society the golems have made for themselves. Perhaps most importantly, so long as we wear them, speaking different languages isn't an issue--people here come from countless different worlds, and we couldn't make ourselves understood otherwise."

Remember trying to talk with Petra, Felix? At least she had a good grasp on the Fodlan language. "They also keep track of the money we earn; it's called credits, rather than using real gold. They're also used for the Augur--that would be the being that brought us here--to make demands of us, and to communicate over long distances with each other. There are ways to restrict that communication, but that wouldn't stop someone knowledgeable enough from eavesdropping, if they saw fit. I would trust speaking over these to be no more private than a conversation held in public like this one."

Felix frowns at the bracelet while Seteth explains. Integrate into this society? What society? As far as he can tell, the city is a ruin and these automata run everything. He has to grudgingly admit that eliminating language barriers is useful, although what exactly Seteth means by 'different worlds' as distinct from 'different Fodlans' goes a little over his head.

He scowls at the mention of this Augur person. Or being, or whatever. "What gives this Augur the right to demand anything of us? From what I'm hearing, we're prisoners here. Snatched from our homes to populate a dead land and give a bunch of creepy automata purpose. There are enough of us here to storm a castle or field a small army; why hasn't anyone confronted this Augur yet and forced them to send us home?"

Seteth can only shake his head at that. It's no surprise that Felix is angry, is it? They all are initially, he's sure. He'd been angry, too. If he thinks about it, he's still angry--but more and more, he understands the pitiable position the Augur might be in, as well. He knows all too well the feeling of having no options left, of sheer desperation, of forcing himself to ignore his conscience and do deplorable things for the sake of greater good. Perhaps he's giving too much credit to it, attributing human sentiments and genuine good intentions to a supercomputer..... but what if he isn't? What if he's one of the only people here who is willing to try to understand?

"It appears the Augur either isn't capable of doing so yet, or hasn't figured out how to. Bringing us here was likely an act of desperation. Some time ago, this world was subject to some unknown catastrophe--one that seems to have wiped out nearly all life, and left the land itself blighted. I don't entirely understand how, but it seems the Augur is able to harness some kind of energy from carnal relations to revitalize the land."

It's the most diplomatic way he can think to phrase 'we all need to fuck to save the world', sorry Felix.

It's in fact so diplomatic that it takes Felix a minute to fully parse what Seteth said.

"I don't care about some long-destroyed world that has nothing to do with any of us. If it can bring us here, it can send us back. If it needs additional motivation, I'll be happy to provide it. Where--"

That's when it catches up to him, and he stops. Blood rushes to his face so fast that it's probably visible even beneath the sunburn.

"...energy from what"

"From physical intimacy." Felix looks so flustered at the very idea..... He hates to be the one to bring it up, but this is an unavoidable part of reality here. As long as they live on this island, it's something they're all forced to be mindful of. Is this place going to steal away Felix's innocence, as well? What a miserable way to have your first time taken from you..... Sex is supposed to be something precious, a gift you share with someone you love.

Have another sigh. "Given it only grants favors after people fulfill its requests, I suspect it may need that energy to power any significant acts it performs. But the Augur is in the hospital; you're free to confront it, though I doubt the golems would allow any violence."

"Please be mindful that many, many things on this island are meant to encourage such intimacy, both naturally and by design. Be cautious of unfamiliar flora and fauna you may encounter, and of the food the golems provide for free; that is almost always drugged. You may want to take up hunting and fishing, if you want a reliable source of safe meat."

"So these demands it makes. They're of a...an intimate nature?" Felix can't believe he's having this conversation to begin with, but having it with Seteth of all people is just surreal. Aren't Knights of Seiros celibate or something? No, that can't be right, Alois is married...but still.

"Hmph. I would like to see them try to stop me." But it's more a grumble than a real threat; he probably isn't going to burst into the hospital, sword in hand. Probably.

"Excuse me? Drugged? And everyone just...accepts this?" Felix stares at him, incredulous. "Ugh. Yes, I know how to hunt and fish. I'll need a bow and a rod, if I can get my hands on them without being accosted with...any of that." He waves his hand vaguely at the closest automaton.

He starts to rub his face with one hand, but halfway through he remembers that his face is lobster-red and painful, and stops with an annoyed grunt. "You said something about long-distance communication. What does that mean?"

"That's right. It asks for people to complete specific 'auspicious' acts, however it determines those are particularly beneficial coming from that person. No doubt you'll receive your own list soon enough." Seteth is..... reluctant to show his own card to demonstrate, to be honest. Discussing things in the abstract like this is awkward enough, but does he really need to show Felix records of his own love life here so far? Maybe he can get by without needing to do so.....

"There's little to do but accept it, or ensure you have the money or skills to obtain safer supplies. I took up manual labor to ensure I didn't need to rely on such dubious, self-serving 'charity' for too long. As for the communication....."

"You can write, speak, or even capture images through these bracelets, no matter where you happen to be. Even at completely opposite ends of the island, you could hold a conversation almost as comfortably as though you're face to face. I can help you learn how to use it, if you'd like--though perhaps that can wait a bit longer?" Seteth offers the bottle he'd fetched, eyebrow raised. Please take care of yourself, Sir Sword-lobster.

Fortunately, Felix does not want to see records of Seteth's love life anywhere, and doesn't even really want more information at all, but... "What kind of...'auspicious acts'?" he asks, slow and cautious, and then hurriedly adds, "I don't need a whole list, just...some idea of what to expect."

He shakes his head, disgusted with this whole place. "I'll simply have to hunt and forage for myself, then. I'm hardly a stranger to it." Faerghus is a harsh land; even nobles have to learn survival skills.

He gives Seteth a dubious look at this talk of capturing images and such, but it's not like Seteth's going to lie to him. Must be some kind of magic, he figures. Then he looks at the bottle with blank confusion.

"I...would appreciate the assistance, yes. What's that?" He nods at the lotion.

"There is a significant range. But for example, hmmm..... blindfolding or tying up your partner, or allowing them to do so to you?" Those shouldn't require any explanation, should they? A simple, easy act to perform, just so he has some idea of what he might be expected to do--and so they aren't forced to get any more into depth on the subject than Felix absolutely needs him to.

"It's ointment for that burn. Go on." While Felix is occupied with the bottle, Seteth takes a moment to fiddle with his bracelet, navigating to a his saved videos. This example, at least, is considerably more pleasant to offer?

"Here. This happened several months ago, but I recorded it so I could watch again later. If I wanted to, I could send it to your bracelet so you could watch it directly, as well." A video is projected onto the sand nearby. Felix might recognize Seteth's wyvern as he romps around with a war horse, roaring in excitement as they take turns chasing each other.

Ah. Well, that's not helping Felix's embarrassed blush any. Why would anyone want to be blindfolded when they--no. No, he isn't going to ask. Not Seteth, anyway. Ashe?...maybe. "...all right."

Oh, the ointment. He forgot about it in all the rest of this nonsense. "Right. Thank you." He opens the bottle and squeezes out a generous amount of the lotion, then starts rubbing it into his arms and chest as he watches this...image. Moving image. What the hell? He looks his own bracelet over; he hasn't put it on yet, but if what Seteth is saying is true, he can make those images too. Somehow.

"How did you do that?" A pause. "Your wyvern is here?"

"He's further down the shoreline, at the moment. I'd rather he not scare anyone who might think he's a monster encroaching on the town." But he doesn't want Pebbles to miss out on this strangely pleasant weather they're having, either. Sunlight and warmth? He's probably splashing around in the surf and snapping at crabs, no doubt.

"This place has technology far more advanced than Fodlan does. I'm not the best person to explain the finer details of how it works, but these things capture and store what they see and hear--" Seteth points out the camera lens. "--and are connected to be able to send that between each other."

"Is that a common threat here?" If so, maybe Felix can earn credit with his sword instead of with his...well, sword. Ugh, great, this place is already bringing out the little Sylvain voice that lives in his brain.

He peers at the camera lens, but has no real idea what he's looking at. "That's fine. I don't need details. I just need to know how to use it."

He continues rubbing the lotion into his skin, despite the sand he's already covered with making it feel disgustingly gritty. He shifts position so he can get at his legs next.

"Monsters? They're not common too near the city, but the further afield you go, the more of an issue they become. I've been using them to keep Pebbles fed." Not an especially lucrative practice, but convenient, at least--and far less expensive than attempting to buy that much meat. Even one wyvern is a significant investment to take care of.

"Once you get past how strange it is, they're simple enough to use. It's easiest to just think of them like an odd sort of bulletin board." A magical, imaginary bulletin board accessed by using a bracelet, but..... well. The network is close enough to one, isn't it? A communal space for sharing information and getting others' attention?

Finishing up with his legs, Felix coats his fingertips with lotion and carefully rubs it over his face. This is even less pleasant because now he's also getting it all over his hair, but at this point he's beyond caring.

"In that case, I'll work as a mercenary or gamekeeper." No need to engage in any of this other nonsense, obviously.

"A bulletin board." He's skeptical, but at least it somewhat clears up the thing's communication function. "All right..." Once he's done with his face, he finally relents and puts the bracelet on. "So it's a bulletin board, a messenger bird, a scribe with pictures, and a coin purse. Anything else?"

"I must admit, I had not realized you were interested in animal husbandry. But if that is what you've decided on, then by all means, I encourage you to pursue it. Helping this island's wildlife repopulate is important work." There's seldom any call for mercenaries around here, but a gamekeeper..... They would surely all rest a little easier, if they knew they could rely on food that didn't come from the robots.

Still..... isn't it a little funny how readily he thinks of breeding animals, when he's so flustered by the idea of the robots asking them to have sex? Maybe it really is all just a matter of perspective. "No, I think you have the right of it. If you turn around, I can take care of your back."

"I'm not. But if I'm going to bother procuring my own meat, and I need credits to do whatever it is people do around here," (that isn't sex) "then making both of those easier at once seems only natural." Does he know the first thing about animal husbandry? No. But how hard can it be to raise deer or pheasants the same way you'd raise cats? Better to be surrounded by animals than people, at any rate.

Felix turns around before he fully registers what exactly Seteth's suggested, and it's not until he has his back to the man already that he blinks. More...touching. Were they at home, he'd simply turn the offer down and go try to take care of it himself. If he missed a few spots, well, too bad.

But dammit, everything hurts and the lotion is helping. And he can hardly change his mind now, it would make him look...skittish.

So he just sits there, resting his elbows on his knees, and waits.

"An efficient proposition. I've taken up construction work to sharpen those skills, myself." The city is in shambles, after all; they'll definitely need significant amounts of work to repair more buildings to be livable. Where exactly does Felix intend to keep all these deer or pheasants once he traps them, for example? Taming wild animals is no small feat.

A quick squirt, and then Seteth starts gently rubbing the lotion into Felix's shoulders and back. More touching, yes--but he can hardly be blamed if it's to take care of an injury, right? ~~Let yourself get taken care of for once, you little shit.~~ "Ah, I almost forgot--once you get more comfortable using the bracelet, you'll probably want to rewrite the information it shows for you. The golems take it upon themselves to write it for us, and they tend to...... well. The results are rarely flattering."

It's the politest way he can think of to say 'your profile is going to be full of slanderous, horny bullshit.' Good luck with whatever shitpost you're saddled with, Felix.

Felix tries not to tense up at all this physical contact, particularly at his back. He's not used to this. But it's Seteth, so...it's fine. He guesses. ~~Getting taken care of sounds like quitter talk.~~

"What? What information, how do they even know anything about us?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that. Perhaps the Augur finds and supplies the information somehow, or actually writes them itself? Regardless, the profiles are meant to help us get to know each other and form connections. They vary from patently untrue, to accurate but extreme oversharing, to being full of nothing but lewd solicitations."

Whatever angle the robots take for Felix, he highly doubts the man will want to allow it to stay up for any longer than necessary. It's sure to be embarrassing, after all--even for someone who has as little to hide as Felix seems to. What will he have to endure, an entire profile full of sword innuendos?

"Ugh. Disgusting. Not that it matters. I have no need to get to know anyone I don't already know. I don't plan to form any connections."

No doubt Seteth will argue with him over that, but hell if Felix is going to act like he intends to be here any longer than he has to be. Or 'settle in,' or whatever the rest of them have resigned themselves to.

...but one detail sticks in Felix's mind, and after a moment, he asks: "What do you mean by 'oversharing?'"

"There are limits to what one person can do alone, Felix. I must admit, I do share your hesitation--but under these circumstances, treating with others is a matter of survival. Especially if you intend to forgo any assistance the Augur or golems offer." What they have here..... it can barely even be called civilization, really. They only have enough living, breathing people for a village at best, living alone in a ruined, desolate world with only the barest amount of infrastructure or economy. Everything they need, they have to find or make themselves, or do without, if they don't intend to earn enough coin to pay for it.

Their very survival is only assured by the grace of the locals. Finding enough food, clean water, and safe shelter independently would be hard enough, now that the island is finally beginning to recover--but before all this progress? It would have ben impossible. The Augur is the one who dragged them into this mess to begin with, and the one sustaining them through it. No matter how many people from Fodlan are already here, sticking only to them simply isn't enough. Surely he must realize that, no matter how stubborn he wants to be over this ordeal?

"I mean sharing details of your life that most would prefer to keep private. Your unspoken feelings, dark secrets, or sexual or romantic proclivities, for example." ~~The Augur is Gossip Girl, pass it on.~~

Oh, 'assistance,' is that what they're calling it? That nonsense they pulled with him and Edelgard was far from 'assistance.' Felix scoffs.

"This isn't war, Seteth. It isn't even Faerghus. I'll admit, it was...useful, to have several people I already knew here on the beach. But when it comes to survival, this is hardly the worst any of us have had it." He turns his head the slightest fraction, not enough to glance back over his shoulder, but enough to suggest that he might. "Although perhaps your time with the Alliance was more of a walk in the park than what I remember of the war."

Harsh? Maybe a little. ~~Maybe he's not yet completely over the idea that this Seteth wasn't on the Kingdom's side, okay? It's fine.~~

His eyes widen slightly to hear about these secret details. He'd love to say he doesn't have any unspoken feelings or anything of the sort, but regardless of how well he's bottled that sort of thing up over the years, he's pretty sure he wouldn't want anyone reading whatever this Augur had to say about him.

...particularly not with Dimitri here. Ugh.

"That's atrocious. And you want me to believe these automata are here to help us?"

".....Perhaps you're right. If what you've told me is any indication, I very well may not understand what you've gone through." A moment of quiet consideration, but Seteth relents rather than pressing the point. Felix isn't quite grasping the root of his concerns, it seems, but that doesn't mean he's wrong. This is not war. They aren't fighting a battle or standing to be cut down in an ambush. This isn't even a hard and bleak land like the wilds of Faerghus, bitterly cold and inhospitable. Or at least, it hasn't been since the blizzard.....

But Faerghus is still inhabited, unless you venture deep into the wilderness. Even a war has men like himself working behind the scenes to ensure their supply lines are running smoothly, their weapons maintained, their uniforms washed and mended, their morale attended to, their troops supported with healers and smiths and cooks. There isn't a single man alive who could fight a war entirely on their own, himself and Felix included. He doesn't doubt the Kingdom's war has been grueling, in every sense of the word, but.....

.....It doesn't matter. Neither of them have any particular desire to split hairs trying to make Felix understand the sentiment--especially when his question brings up a different but equally valid dimension to Seteth's concerns. "I'm saying these automata need us, and they will do everything in their power to help us fulfill that purpose. No matter how poorly we think of their methods, it is in their best interest to take care of us."

Seteth's voice hardens a little, grows more serious as his hands pause in their work. Far easier to raise your sword against an army than try to fight a calamity you can't understand or predict, isn't it? "This world was inexplicably devastated, Felix. There were no survivors. Even the land itself was incapable of supporting life until recently. Has it occurred to you to wonder how or why this might be the case? Who is to say the same thing can't happen again, if we don't even understand what the Augur is trying to recover from?"

"Why doesn't it just tell us, then?" This whole situation seems too surreal to fully wrap his mind around. It's frustrating. It's frustrating that they have no choice in any of this, and it's frustrating that everyone else seems to just accept all this without a fight. And it's more than frustrating that these automata seem to know so much about everyone and are in a position to make ludicrous demands of them.

"Ugh." Felix rests his arms across his knees and lowers his head onto them. War or no war, this is the most miserable he's felt in a while. Physically and otherwise. At least the war was simple. The stakes were obvious, their choices clear. Battle is something Felix has always understood. Whatever this nonsense is, he doesn't understand it at all.

"They may need us, but we don't need them. That puts us at an advantage. If this were a battle, the best way to foil the enemy would be to disrupt their resources. If everyone here refused to participate, the Augur would have no choice but to make concessions to keep us happy."

He shrugs. "As for what happened to this place, minds more well-suited to that kind of thing will figure that out. I don't need to know the details. Just how to prevent it from happening again while there are actual people here. If you need someone to swing a sword while you're investigating, you can count on me for that."

Edited 2021-07-28 05:45 (UTC)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

TDM 015: IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PARADISE

00. Arrival

I. Beach Episode

II. Sand Sport

III. Graciously Given Gifts

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