ercookies | TDM 002

TDM 002: IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN TO

( 1 ) Around mid-morning, a message from the Augur appears on bracelets all across the city. "New organisms discovered. Domestication in progress."

The wark of a chocobo rises up from the outskirts of the city. Several more join in, forming a charming chorus. And, strangely, this is when new arrivals begin to show up.

Beamed in one at a time, scanned en masse, they are processed just as the first wave was. There's one major difference: whereas the old guard was given their bracelets and ushered into the City, the new folks are also given... collars.

Buckled, snapped, or otherwise fastened around their necks, a variety of colorful collars with some rather unusual novelty pet tags. (These are just a few suggestions. The typical “If found, please return to ____” is also very much acceptable.)

"You are new organisms. Domestication in progress. Compatible Eros energy will complete domestication."

No matter how hard they try, characters cannot take the collars off by themselves. They need a partner's help - but not just anyone will do. It very well might be the first person they find, or it might take several tries.

The robots grow bolder as the day grows on, targeting characters who aren't new, as well.

"Y̶o̶u̴ ̸a̷r̸e̷ ̵o̵r̵g̶a̴n̷i̷s̶m̸s̶.̶ ̶D̷o̶m̴e̴s̶t̶i̶c̵a̸t̶i̸o̴n̸ ̷i̵n̸ ̴p̸r̶o̵g̷r̵e̷s̵s̷."

Their antics die down by nightfall, but for the next day or two, the occasional malfunctioning 'bot may accost someone in the street, so stay on your toes!

( 2 ) An abandoned racetrack lights up the night. That's right: place your bets, folks, because these birds are about to run around a track while robots sell synthetic, overpriced aphro-popcorn.

...Did you say priced?

That’s right! If you participated in the orgy earlier this month, you'll find you have a stash of credits accessible in your app.

You've fucked money back into the world, so why not waste it?

(Opportunities to earn credits will come up periodically and won't always be sexual in nature, so don't worry if your character wouldn't have any yet.)

And if you don't have credits to bet with, why not get creative?

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N A V I G A T I O N

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...

[There's quiet as Matt digests that. Give him a minute. It's a lot.]

... Ah...

[Nope. His brain's still trying to come up with what kind of joke this is. A priest and a rabbi walk into a sex city? Nope. Wrong one.]

You're joking, right?

[Please be joking.]

[Bleak but earnest laughter:]

Hilariously, I am not.

Just a post-apocalyptic shithole, and a bunch of robots that all really want you to play dick-bingo.

Is this the part where I say it's a good thing I'm blind?

[Which he wasn't entirely, but again, not for sharing. It gave him the general idea of the location. Not the colors- everything was red, but he could see the dilapidation of the city. Sense the lack of activity. Smell the depression.]

They really expect people to be concerned with... with sex at a time like this? In a place like this?

I mean, if we're being honest, most of the people here are pretty hot, so it's kind of a toss-up. Arguably, you're missing out on the only good part.

[Shrug!]

I figure the robots have to be recording it all for someone, right? Aliens or some shit. And we're just, like, PornHub for an entire species of ALFs, all jerking it to our sad survival boning.

So, y'know, that helps with the mood.

I wouldn't quite put it like that. Attractiveness is subjective, after all. And sometimes I see traits others can't.

[Coming from the sinfully and tragically attractive blind vigilante... cut him some slack.]

... That's... not exactly something I'd consider helping in regards to mood.

[But the idea of cameras did put him on edge. He'd have to be careful until he knew more.]

Well, different strokes.

[He's not being serious, obviously, but the sarcasm is flat as a pancake.]

Anyway, so-o...did you get dropped here with a seeing eye dog or some shit? No offense, but "blind lawyer at the end of the world" doesn't sound like they make it far in the movie, y'know?

Not that I, like, know you or care, but everyone else here's like a magical asshole with a giant robot. Figure us normies gotta stick together.

[There's a stifled almost laugh, and Matt shakes his head.]

Mind if I ask what your schtick is? I'm going to assume a lack of magic and robots on your end...

My "schtick?" [An audible scoff.]

Fuck, no, my world's just normal. No robots or magic or fucking...cock-vampires or whatever.

My "schtick" is being a fabulously wealthy, rock-star, playboy-businessman. I'm Batman without the daddy issues, basically.

[That sentence could not be less true.]

Roman Roy? Like, as in Waystar Royco?

[Is it absurd to assume that anyone from New York is going to know his name, in a literal alternate universe? Yes. Is Roman doing it anyway? Also yes.

In his defense, this is the only place he's been where that wasn't the case since, like, age twelve. And Matt's a lawyer! Nothing about them is ever cool, he's pretty sure.]

[Cock vampires. That was... an interesting image that he was going to try very hard to erase from his mind's eye.]

Anyone who says they don't have daddy issues generally has daddy issues. So, you're telling me you run around in a suit and fight bad guys? That should go over well here.

[Could he sense the irony? The sarcasm thick enough to walk on. The self deprecation? It was there.]

Sorry. Never heard of ... Waystar Royco? What's it known for?

No, I'm saying I don't do that, because I'm rich as balls but well-adjusted.

[Roman's irony senses are very finely-tuned! But that's a weird quip to be weird about, Matt.

He sighs at the non-recognition, feels like an idiot for a second, then catches up.]

Right now? Racist news-spots and endemic sexual harassment, mostly.

[And, without missing a beat:]

What about you, what's your "schtick?" Don't tell me you're like a fucking... space lawyer for elves.

Then that wouldn't make you Batman. That'd make you... Steve Jobs? I'm having a hard time coming up with a rich playboy type that isn't someone's comic dream.

[Stark? Hello? Yeah, that wasn't going to be a good example, and he was pretty sure that Stark had a city's worth of daddy issues he perused through on his off time. Matt had some of his own, thank you.

He made a noncommittal sound at the mention of something along the lines of a bad political campaign movie, then tapped his cane.]

I'm a defense attorney in New York. Hell's Kitchen, specifically. I do a lot of pro bono work. Or barter- a lot of my clients keep me fed with amazing tamale recipes.

No, because if Batman wasn't a headcase he'd be on the beach doing coke off Instagram models instead of choking out mental patients every-- [They have long passed the point at which trying to prove his dumb joke was clever has itself become dumb.]

Whatever, this conversation is stupid and for nerds.

[And then a pause over Matt's job description.]

Oh. Yeah, that sounds...important. Like a PD but they don't have to pay you, that's--tight.

[Believe it or not, that's Roman trying not to sound insulting.]

Let's ah... agree to disagree on that one.

[He had his own views on what Bruce Wayne would be doing if his parents hadn't been executed in front of him. Drugs off body parts wasn't along those lines, but then, Matt held his comic heros to a different standard.

But the nerd comment got a soft snort.]

It keeps the lights on. I get paid, but some of my clients aren't in a position to do more than barter. I'd rather help the innocent that need it and live off enchiladas and oranges for the month than demand payment that could force them out of the home I'm trying to help them keep. Plus, it's kind of the Catholic in me to take in hopeless causes.

[That's right, Romulus. He was a Catholic goody-two-shoes lawyer.]

TDM 002

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