ercookies | TDM 010: PARTNER UP, PARTNER

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TDM 010: PARTNER UP, PARTNER

00. Arrival

This time, you come out of the water, the Nameless Island's own inherent energy drawing people in. It's like being suspended between realities and abruptly pushed from behind through a rift in dimensions. It may make you sick, or that might be the motion of the ocean, lifting you to the surface and carrying you to shore.

Waterlogged and covered in sand, new arrivals will be greeted by robots who welcome them with towels and bracelet devices. The A5 card is already loaded up. Feel free to explore the Island, though there isn’t much to see. Most of the buildings are abandoned and in dire need of repair, and beyond the city lingers a thick fog that obscures much of the wilderness from view. Wander too far into this fog, and you will find yourself mysteriously looping back to where you began, your memories of what you were doing and how you got there erased.

With that in mind, it may be wise to stake your claim on a rundown apartment, a tent on the beach, or a bed in the “comfortable” barracks. Your inventory will be found a day later, wrapped up haphazardly and delivered to each person's makeshift home.

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I. Laid Bare Basics

There is a new addition to the scenery at the beach, and everyone is welcome! Especially new arrivals, who will be ushered to the recently-established Laid Bare Spa, where (provided they don't slip away from the bots' helpful grasp) their uncomfortably wet, sandy clothing will be stripped away and they will be lovingly pampered by the cold metal hands of the resident robots. Long-time Islanders and newbies alike are welcome to enjoy such amenities as hot and cold baths, sauna rooms, scrub-downs, thorough whippings with birch brooms, skin treatments, massage and energy work, and more! All rooms are thoughtfully decorated with tasteful murals of naked and disrobing bodies.

Maybe you'll see someone you recognize?! (Maybe you'll see... you?)

Islanders who happen to find their clothing mysteriously missing are welcome to borrow a Laid Bare branded towel to cover up with on their way home.

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II. Tattoo to You, Too

The Augur understands that sometimes, it's difficult to find a partner to indulge you in those favorite Auspicious Acts - especially for new arrivals, but surely even long-time residents could benefit from a little assistance now and then. That is why ever-benevolent entity has gifted Her precious Islanders with tattoos which feature their most secret, urgent, and/or shameful of desires! (Even if that desire is to simply complete a Bingo.)

The tattoo may be a picture or a word, and it can appear anywhere on the body. At first it is pleasantly warm to the touch, like a soft glow of light on your skin. It soon becomes apparent - through either robot advice or a notification on your communication device - that your task is to find a match for your tattoo and complete the depicted act with that person. The longer one goes without completing the act, the more the tattoo seems to heat up, until it feels like it is burning into your skin.

Take too long, and the tattoo may become permanent. Otherwise, the tattoo will fade within hours of completing the Auspicious Act.

[ For TDMers: feel free to select any favorite kink for this prompt! If you complete a kink that doesn't appear on your card, you may switch one square for the completed kink. For current players: by participating on (tagging into) this TDM, you may switch one kink into your card (it must be the kink in the toplevel prompt you responded to). ]

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III. Creepy Crawly Caterpillar Crawl

Are you on the hunt for credits? Then have the robots got a task for you! The 'bots of the Nameless Island are recruiting Islanders to go bug collecting in the caves, crevices, and hollowed-out logs of the wilderness. The quarry? The (shudder - literally, the robots will shudder) doom-summoning harbinger bug. They describe these creepy creatures as fat, fuzzy, and rainbow-colored, with long, fluffy antennae that look like rabbit's ears.

The robots describe these critters as so dangerous that Islanders should only hunt them in pairs. Should your team return successful, you both will be rewarded very handsomely for every caterpillar caught!

The bugs are typically very docile and seem to enjoy soft pets, judging by the cooing and squeaking noises they make (especially to scritches behind their "ears"). Poke or disturb them however, and they may bite! Body parts bitten by angry caterpillars will swell up cartoonishly, and can only be treated by having someone else suck the venom out. Good thing you're traveling with a partner!

The 'bots strongly recommend against keeping these little buggies as pets, but they're not your dad.

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N A V I G A T I O N

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Today has been a veritable parade of people he knows who seem to be fully accepting of whatever the hell is going on here and weirdly pleased to see him. When Lindhardt sits down, Felix looks at him with only moderate distress. He remembers seeing him from time to time, a general nonentity of a person from what he remembers.

He's saying words to Felix who just sits there and lets them bounce off of him until he's handed a hair band which he numbly takes and starts to scrape his messy hair back into some semblance of a ponytail again.

"Linhardt, right? Listen... I'm either dead, dreaming, or this is the most elaborate prank I have ever been involved in. Can you just. Explain- the. What is this? Is it hell? Are we in hell?" By all accounts that would explain a lot.

Hm. Not his Felix, then. Linhardt lets out a suffering sigh: Of course he ends up explaining things. Then again, who else was going to? Dimitri? Did he even understand what was happening? Well, at least he can get information on Felix's Fodlan to add to the pile.

"We might be dead. I don't have any way to rule that out." It's not exactly a comforting answer, "But I find it difficult to believe that hell would have saunas. I don't think you're dreaming. Given you don't remember my name, we're clearly not close in your Fodlan and therefore there's no reason you would come across me in a dream sauna."

Now, as for what was happening.

"It's... hmmm..." Linhardt stops to consider his words. He's talking about concepts he barely understands, so translating them for someone else is difficult, "I think it might be similar to a Warp spell. But we've been taken a long way. I can't match up any of the stars with ones from Fodlan."

Or maybe what he wants is practical information, "What the robots have told you is the approximate truth of it: We appear to have been brought here to engage in erotic activities." Linhardt doesn't blink an eyelash.

He shakes his head, he still doesn't understand how something as powerful as the Augur ended up picking people and acts at random. Oh, but talking about the Augur does remind him.

"Be careful with things here, a lot of the flora, fauna, and edibles have aphrodisiac qualities. I'm trying to figure out how they work so I might be able to mitigate the effects, but until then be careful what you eat and touch."

The information seems to penetrate somewhat at least. Felix spends a long time simply listening, processing, piecing it together. Admittedly, he probably was the least bright of the Faerghus Four. Sylvain always hid his cleverness behind the cavorting and the devil-may-care attitude, Ingrid was sharper than a sword, and Dimitri, for all of his problems, was incredibly intelligent. Which left little Felix, ever lacking.

The one word that he does attach to in the explanation, he echoes back, too-loud.

"Erotic?" Loud enough to have an echo, and he'd probably have been embarrassed had he not been so alarmed.

"I can't- there's no way." He sounds mortified, he looks mortified. That is not really something he'd ever bothered with. That kind of thing was for other people. People who wanted heirs and people like Sylvain. Sure he'd considered it from time to time, but he was always fast to dismiss. To be thrust into this situation feels overwhelming. Of course, that annoys him. "This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life, and I have heard a great many stupid things."

And yet, here he is, Linhardt has no reason to lie, and Felix scoots over to make room for his notes.

"Why did you bring study notes to a spa?" Of all the things to fixate on...

Eesh. Linhardt winces. Do people from Faerghus really have to be so loud? Does Felix think deafening him will somehow remedy the situation? Either way, he gives Felix a look of disapproval at the yelling. But at least he doesn't roll his eyes, as much as he would like to. Killing each other is fine, but Goddess forbid the human body have functions other than dying.

"Yes, erotic. Nobody's going to force you, if that's what you're worried about. It is pretty stupid," Linhardt agrees with this assessment readily, "First, it looks like people and acts are assigned completely randomly, and why would anything this advanced use randomness? Secondly, if it's powerful enough to Warp us across the entire universe, you'd think they'd have a better way of finding the energy they need. So yes, I'm becoming inclined to believe the Augur is quite stupid."

Now it's Linhardt's turn to give Felix a blank stare, "Why wouldn't I bring my notes? I was in the middle of something."

He was working, he remembered saunas, and then he went to the sauna. Why would he stop?

Well, at least Linhardt does make some decent points. Felix finds himself nodding along in agreement. The whole thing just doesn't make sense.

The mention of not being forced does make his shoulders visibly drop, and some of that tension releases. Okay, okay. Nothing too terrible then. He calms himself, breathing deep for a moment before regarding Linhardt again.

"So we're at the behest of some immensely powerful but stupid being, then? Not much different from living in Faerghus then, I suppose." He snorts, rubbing his temples.

"Do you know where I can find some clothes?"

That reaction is... kind of disturbing. Linhardt moves himself a little further from Felix as a gesture to say 'I am respecting your space right now'. He certainly doesn't like it when people ignore his desire for privacy. But his attempts to peruse his notes are ruined by the fact that Felix's joke is actually funny. Linhardt snorts into his notes.

"I don't know. The weather might be better here?" He suggests.

Clothes. Clothes. Hmm. He thinks.

"I might. Come on. I saw the robots carrying clothes this way. Presumably, the drying machines are over here somewhere."

Normally, Felix would vehemently avoid making himself out to be anyone with any kind of sense of humor, but that jab was far too good to not make. He's quietly pleased someone appreciated it.

"No, Goddess no. This place is already miserably warm." Felix is one of those insane idiots who actually likes the bitter cold. The more layers he can wear the better.

Felix follows the sleepy mage closely. He's not remotely going to voice it, but it's clear he's still tense, still worried.

"So uh. How long have you been here? You don't seem bothered by this at all. Did everyone get abducted?"

Warm? No, no. That's not right at all. This place is chilly; Linhardt can barely stand it. People from Fraldarius territory have to be weather mad. How else could you enjoy living there?

"I suppose if you know ice magic you could cool your quarters to satisfy your need to become a human icicle." Linhardt shakes his head.

He leads them down a hallway that seems to be full of strange windows with clothes swirling around inside, creating a cacophony of banging sounds. Linhardt looks at the dryers. There don't seem to be any obvious way to open them, but there are some of those bracelet-like screens.

Like a true scientist, Linhardt has already learned this about future technology: When in doubt, press buttons. It takes him a few tries, but eventually, the window pops out and allows Felix to chose some clothes.

"About a month. Yes, as far as we're aware, everyone here has been kidnapped from their world of origin. No, I'm not bothered. If I'm going to be expected to do things that I don't want to do, I prefer erotic activities to killing. At least this way I don't need to hurt anyone."

Felix just shrugs at the comment. He knows those from the Northern territories are outliers when it comes to temperature preferences. They all overheat so easily. His attention is drawn to the lines of machines there, watching the colored fabrics turn and turn. What a strange place, with strange magic (he assumed magic, anyways). It's not surprising that Linhardt has already worked it out, he'd always been one for such tasks. While book learning wasn't Felix's favorite, he could appreciate the dedication to furthering one's own strengths.

He doesn't find his own clothes, but there's at least some basics here that look like they will fit. He eagerly pulls on the drab gray sweats and hoodie that he decided are the least offensive things here.

"Well. You're not wrong." He does recall the conversation he'd had with Flayn before. He'd rather chop vegetables than people. The memory brings about a flicker of fondness. "It's just. Weird. I'm not good at those kinds of things. I never considered it before much. I mean, outside of what Sylvain subjected me to listening to."

Linhardt nods when Felix pulls out some clothes, then, just for the sake of it, he rifles through the dryer as well. Oh, more black trousers. Those would be nice... oh, that orange is a nice color... it takes him several minutes to sift through all the clothes and decide which ones he wants.

"I would recommend just walking away from Sylvain. The only person who's ever chased me when I end a conversation by walking away is Ferdinand."

Because that's clearly the most important thing to take out of what Felix just said. No. It's only the second most important. Because Linhardt is getting to the most important thing.

"Yes, that seems to be a running theme here, that the Augur doesn't care if the people it brings are suitable. I mean, Seteth is here for the Goddess's sake. How can it- do you understand, Felix? Somehow, the Augur can Warp us across uncalculatable area- as in I cannot calculate it- and it cannot choose which people it warps? How can it be that bad at magic and that strong, Felix?"

It's almost offensive somehow. Like it's giving spellcasters a bad name. Linhardt never warped anyone into the ocean unless he meant to either.

"You know... I can really respect that approach." Walking away. Yeah. He does do that plenty, but Linhardt does really make an amazing point. "Sylvain does tend to follow me though." He mutters. To a point anyways. Eventually he does get bored with Felix's absolute brick wall of a personality.

The mention of Seteth actually draws a startled, dry laugh from the swordsman who sits down because the weight of that information.

"Seteth? Oh wow. Wow. It is kind of infuriating to think about." He's not an expert, but he does know enough magic to be irritated by that information. "It really is either just some kind of idiot-savant or there really is some kind of reasoning. Or it's sick. Actually probably sick."

Ah, so Sylvain is like Ferdinand that way. Linhardt just shakes his head in disappointment, "In that case, I recommend finding someone he wants to bother more than you. If I get Ferdinand and Hubert in the same room, I'm guaranteed some time free of hassle."

They are stopping. Alright. No more walking then. Linhardt looks down at Felix.

"The strange thing is, that's an actual possibility." Linhardt shakes his head in disbelief. But it's possible, isn't it? Computers can give each other instructions. Sometimes those instructions could be changed for ill intent, and the computers do something they weren't meant to do. That is like being sick, isn't it? "Can you imagine if wars in Fodlan happened because the Goddess had the measles? If that's why there was suffering?"

Okay, sure, don't even warm him up to heresy, Linhardt. Why not?

"I don't know what a computer is but-" Well the bit about the Goddess makes sense. He's not sure she could get sick like that but who knows? He's never been really devout to begin with, especially not with how close to religion his father was. All things considered, the heresy does not really bother him. He'd already dipped his toe into that a long while ago.

"I guess. It's a theory. I guess I'd like that more than 'everything happens for a reason'." He scoffs bitterly. "It would give people less of an excuse to simply accept the atrocities we commit in the name of whatever suits them best."

Linhardt's scoff isn't nearly as bitter as Felix's, but the sentiment is shared, "In my experience, that is used as an excuse by people who lack any curiosity about the world they live in and believe others should do the same. Just because something happened for a reason doesn't mean it's a good reason or one that shouldn't be avoided in the future."

This is to say that Linhardt agrees although he's thinking of it from a scientific point of view.

"From what I've heard of the other Fodlans, it does appear that hypocrisy is rather rampant in leadership."

"Uhg. Thank you! Someone had to say it!" Felix wonders why they hadn't really had a conversation before. Probably because Linhardt made himself intentionally scarce and so did Felix, another thing he could respect. "Everyone treats these completely avoidable things like something that we can't help. It's stupid as hell and a needless waste of lives."

Seems like Linhardt found the exact correct subject to gain Felix's almost enthusiastic agreement.

"It always is. My only hope is that Dimitri diverges from tradition. He's a fool but at least he's not afraid of change."

"I can forgive the stupidity, but not the wasting of lives." If people want to be stupid, far be it from Linhardt to stop them, but hurting other people is disgusting. How is it any different than what Solon did at Remire? Killing for knowledge is repugnant, and so is killing for pride.

"Just be careful Dimitri doesn't go too far in the other direction." Linhardt says with a sigh and a shake of his head, "Lady Edelgard seems to believe that she can will all of Fodlan into changing without much concern for the logistics of the process."

Which his father always reminds him of through passive-aggressive letters delivered along with supplies and economic updates.

"Ignorance breeds contempt." Felix says flatly. Contempt leads to death. Almost always. When it is based in assumption and foolishness. "Though I suppose not in all situations, but you get my point. I don't disagree."

"Trust me, I'm not leaving anything up to chance in that regard." Truth be told, he actually did trust Dimitri to do a decent job. Not that he'd ever voice that. Ever. "Try to bend people to your will and they will only snap. I don't think anyone would disagree things need to change, but you can't just bludgeon it into your desired shape."

"Change like that requires a deft touch- and patience."

"That's true, but it's really not most people's fault. Most people are just stupid." Linhardt says in a matter-of-fact tone. Could you really blame them for it? Might as well blame them for being tall, or redheaded.

It would be nice if everyone saw the situation that way, but it seems most people in leadership positions would prefer to try the bludgeon.

"Yes, it does. A sadly rare mix of qualities." Linhardt himself doesn't possess the necessary follow-through for it, which is why he doesn't try, "Still, it's encouraging to hear that Dimitri is amenable to change. With the Professor's effect, that sounds positive for the people of Fodlan."

Who, despite his personal dislike of his duties, Linhardt does actually care about.

Felix finds himself pondering why he never talked to Linhardt before. Not that he was the type to go out of his way for social interaction, but he certainly doesn't dislike him.

"Yes... I'm not really the type to get overly optimistic, but a great deal of work has gone into it so there is that." He finds himself feeling a great deal calmer now too, his mind drawn away from the fact that he's expected to engage in sexual acts for the benefit of some mysterious being and into the more familiar territory of complaining about authority.

It also helps that he isn't naked anymore, too.

"I don't suppose you'd be able to show me where everyone is staying?"

"The more people are invested in something, the more likely they are to want to see it flourish. It's not an unreasonable correlation to draw, though I'd weigh it against the risk that more involvement means more ego and therefore more politics."

Ugh. Now Felix wants a tour of some sort? Given how Felix looked at the drying machines, Linhardt doesn't think simply giving his bracelet directions will work. He sighs, "If you carry my clothes."

"I assume you mean Dimitri and the other people from Faerghus."

"It would be easier if people would just say what the mean directly." As if he's one to talk on that front. He's good at it when it comes to being rude, but expressing anything besides distaste is more of a struggle.

"Sure." It's an easy enough exchange. It also gives him a fair excuse to keep talking to Linhardt, without expressing it directly. Goddess forbid he enjoy someone's company.

"Not just Faerghus, everyone in general. I assume there's one general dwelling area?"

"Yes, it would. But Sothis forbid anyone has their precious ego hurt." Linhardt makes a face and shakes his head. He has no time for any of that. He doesn't even know if he would object to his responsibilities if so much of them didn't seem unnecessary. Coordinating tax collection and road maintenance are terribly boring, but they're at least necessary.

Linhardt shoves the clothes at Felix and starts walking without an ounce of self-consciousness.

"Those from your Fodlan, I mean." He clarifies. It's his fault for not having been more specific to begin with. After all, some people of the Alliance and Kingdom have made common cause with the Empire at home, and apparently his own loyalties are likewise mutable.

"We don't all live together. Truce or not, I can't imagine Lady Edelgard and Seteth want to live closer to each other than necessary, for example."

Felix just makes a soft noise of agreement. He only seems slightly annoyed at the burden he's handed, but he is asking something of Linhardt, someone he's really only truly speaking to for the first time. It's fair.

"I see. I can't say I dislike the idea of as much privacy as possible, given the nature of this place." As he does intend to hold onto whatever dignity he can (too bad for him). Still, having allies close by is also not a terrible idea. He's grown to appreciate at least some measure of team work, even if it doesn't suit him.

"Where are you staying then?"

And Linhardt is, of course, Linhardt and therefore perfectly capable of ignoring signs of discomfort from his walking companions. If Felix really doesn't want to carry the clothes, he'll drop them, Linhardt will pick them up, and they'll be on their ways.

"Then choose your own building to live in." Linhardt suggests, waving a hand, "Generally if a set of quarters is vacant, you can have it. One of the automatons will bring you a key."

"I've chosen to live in a small building close to the inn where Lady Edelgard and Ferdinand are staying. I can't stop you from living in my building, but I would recommend against it as I have torn several holes in the walls and sometimes things do explode."

These things happen when you're trying to catch up on over 300 years of advancements and your main aid is an erotic search engine.

"Interesting. I suppose I'll have to look around then." Having a pick of wherever he wants to stay does sound nice. The less people the better. He decides he likes that. Not that he plans on getting too comfortable here. Certainly not. No complacency.

"Edelgard? Edelgard is here?" He visibly bristles. Right. There's a truce of sorts, isn't there? Still, he clearly doesn't like it. "Yes I think perhaps I'd be better off on my own then."

It's not the holes or the explosions or even Ferdinand that puts him off, naturally.

"Regardless, I would not be opposed to speaking with you again at some point." He'd say training- but Linhardt doesn't look like the training type.

00. Arrival

I. Laid Bare Basics

II. Tattoo to You, Too

III. Creepy Crawly Caterpillar Crawl

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

Re: Spa

ITT Felix lowkey admits he's a virgin

Luckily, Linhardt is Linhardt

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