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TDM 009: I'M IN LIKE WITH YOU
| TDM 009: I'M IN LIKE WITH YOU |
00. Arrival This time, you come out of the water, the Nameless Island's own inherent energy drawing people in. It's like being suspended between realities and abruptly pushed from behind through a rift in dimensions. It may make you sick, or that might be the motion of the ocean, lifting you to the surface and carrying you to shore. Waterlogged and covered in sand, new arrivals will be greeted by robots who welcome them with towels and bracelet devices. The A5 card is already loaded up. Feel free to explore the Island, though there isn’t much to see. Most of the buildings are abandoned and in dire need of repair, and beyond the city lingers a thick fog that obscures much of the wilderness from view. Wander too far into this fog, and you will find yourself mysteriously looping back to where you began, your memories of what you were doing and how you got there erased. With that in mind, it may be wise to stake your claim on a rundown apartment, a tent on the beach, or a bed in the “comfortable” new barracks. Your inventory will be found a day later, wrapped up haphazardly and delivered to each person's makeshift home. I. STARGAZER On the first night that new arrivals wash ashore, the moon rises. It's full and beautiful and surrounded by stars. The robots quickly bring old, dusty telescopes out of storage and line them up on the beach to help people get a truly spectacular view. "Look to the heavens! Behold, the chicken, the cat, the owl, the donkey!" It's... the cock, the pussy, the hooters, and the ass. For the rest of the night, characters will become fixated on the specific asset associated with the constellation they've gotten an eyeful of. Whether this leads to some body worship or just casual appreciation is up to you. You can learn about the stars and constellations later this month in some of the rare, non-pornographic books in the library. (More info will go up soon, so please be patient!) II. STIMULATING CONVERSATION An ancient courting ritual has been announced! It involves the give-and-take of candy hearts with slogans printed on them. Of course, since these hearts are being manufactured by robots, their sense of taste is a little... off? Or perhaps off-putting? "You'll do." "5/10." "Acceptable." "Sloppy Seconds." Receiving a negative heart makes one feel insecure, jealous, and submissive. "Be mine." "Nicest ass." "Swell bulge." "They're good lays, Bront." Receiving a positive heart will make one feel confident, boastful, and dominant. Your friendly neighborhood 'bots will give them out to anyone who asks - and maybe even those who don't. III. Eat Or Dare The robots have set up a stall by the beach with a banner that reads: Eat Or Dare. They have procured bigger candy hearts than ever before -- fist-sized and larger -- with actions written on them instead of derogatory slogans. "Take a dive." "Lick me." "Get handsy." The name of the game is to follow the instructions or forfeit the challenge by making the evidence disappear into your mouth. Delicious! Those who eat the candy hearts will feel themselves getting giddy and unreasonably invested in the love affairs of others. They will feel compelled to play matchmaker to spread the cheer. N A V I G A T I O N |
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"And what exactly has the world you speak of decided regarding him?"
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"I am not a person who could answer that accurately. I have never seen him the way the world does."
The stanger can make of that what he will. Even Lan Xichen is not entirely sure if he is stating that he has always seen a side of Jin Guangyao that others did not - or that he did not see everything he should have.
"Who are you?"
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But it's clear at least something has changed that viewpoint and his eyes close for a moment. "Meaning the world views him as Nie Mingjue did or is it more in line with the way they viewed Wei Wuxian before he died?"
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"Yes." It is closer to the way the world viewed Wei Wuxian, he supposes, since the way Nie Mingjue saw him was tangled up in a personal relationship - and personal betrayal. But the anger and grief and despair he has been doing his best to keep at bay is surfacing more the longer this conversation goes on, and he does not have the capacity to continue it with a man who asks such questions but will not tell him his name.
"Are you truly telling me you have no knowledge of recent events, or do you only seek my opinion on them?"
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"And Er Ge has never reacted to my name like you do. So will you answer me or not?"
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"A-Yao?"
It is impossible - only no, no it is not. After all, the last person who died in such a manner, with the world decrying his crimes and a Twin Jade reaching desperately for him - he came back, did he not? But then why would he not recognize him?
His hands lock behind his back, fingers twisting in his robes, and he closes his eyes as he tries to make sense of this, to pull himself together enough to think about what is being said to him. Different points of time, yes, he can believe that, different places - different versions of them?
A Jin Guangyao who has not yet died, who might not - if this is a trick, it is a very good one.
"I do not know how many answers I might have for you when I have so few for myself. I - yes. What is it you wanted to know?"
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At least to some degree. Still, his focus is firmly on Xichen as he offers another bow. "Let me escort you to somewhere we can sit and talk properly. I can make us both some tea."
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He doesn't know if it's harder to hold himself together and keep himself removed now that he knows who this is because for so long, he has been used to A-Yao being one of the few he does not have to maintain perfect composure for, or because it is very difficult to keep up the pretense that everything is fine when faced with a version of Jin Guangyao.
Regardless, he would very much like to be somewhere that isn't quite as public as this, and after a moment, he gives a nod.
"Yes. Thank you, I would very much appreciate it."
Too trusting, perhaps, but whatever else Jin Guangyao had done, Lan Xichen believed him when he said he would never harm him.
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When he returns, he's carrying tea and some food he'd found in the kitchen in case Xichen is in fact hungry. Simple enough fare, but it should be filling. He sets the tray down and pours for both of them once he's seated as well.
"Given what you've said, perhaps a good place to start would be figuring out how different our memories are, beyond the differences in clothing and appearance." He offers after a moment, his expression thoughtful.
"And I can try to answer some of your questions about this place."
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He'd meant to use the time to try to think this over, to figure out something of a plan. How is he supposed to react, to this Jin Guangyao who is alive and breathing in front of him, who he does not know - who he might as well know as well as he knew the Jin Guangyao who died in front of him, depending on how different things are? But he hasn't gotten much farther than asking himself the questions before Jin Guangyao is back and setting the tray down.
His eyes snap back into focus, and he murmurs a thank you as he picks up the tea and takes a sip. There is something bitter that sits at the back of his throat, a feeling that he hates as much as the suspicion, that wonders what the point of comparing memories is when he cannot be sure that any of his own are accurate. But it is the most reasonable course of action, and he nods.
"Where I am from, I first met Meng Yao in Cloud Recesses, and then again after it was attacked by the Wen. He helped me hide from them, infiltrated their ranks to pass me secret information during the Sunshot Campaign. It was he who killed Wen Ruohan, and saved Wei Wuxian's life in the process." And then assisted in bringing about the circumstances that caused Wei Wuxian's death. Lan Xichen swallows, taking another sip of the tea. "You called me Er Ge, so I suppose we are sworn brothers where you are from as well."
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"I didn't come to Cloud Recesses for the first time until after the war, although I did help you while you were on the run. I did kill Wen Ruohan, but it had nothing to do with Wei Wuxian, and we did become sworn brothers after the war, along with Da Ge, yes." He pauses, takes a sip of his tea.
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It was easier to recount the events from his perspective up until this point, because they are what he believes to be as real as he thought they were. Everything after that - it's still muddled by confusion and doubt, and he is uncertain how much of what he believed to be true was real and how much was a pretense put on by either A-Yao or Huaisang.
He is tempted, for a moment, to ask Jin Guangyao to take it from there, to tell him what happened where he is from and see what he will say, to test how honest he would be. But - though Lan Xichen knows very well how to be pleasant and diplomatic, how to soothe hurts and dress a dissenting opinion up in conciliatory words that make it more likely to be accepted, he is not duplicitous by nature. It's hardly something he could keep up on a normal basis, let alone with Jin Guangyao.
No matter which version of his sworn brother this is, whether or not he's done anything like the one Lan Xichen knew - he could never be so dishonest with him.
He takes another drink of tea, both to steady himself and, in part, to stall. "There is something of a dissonance after that, where I am from, in my understanding of what was happening at the time and the events that actually occurred."
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"I don't know that I can say anything to clarify matters given there are distinct differences in what we've experienced, but you can ask me anything you wish, Er Ge. I'll answer what I can."
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How can he accuse this Jin Guangyao of anything, when he does not know what is the same between their worlds and what is different? What if in this world, A-Yao is everything that Lan Xichen thought he was? Capable of dark acts, certainly, willing to do many things to ensure his survival, to ensure that he kept the position he had worked so hard to obtain, but still noble of heart?
What does it mean, if he admits that he's not sure the last part matters as much as seeing Jin Guangyao alive again?
His hands tremble, a little, and he pulls in a breath and lets it out as he forces himself to still.
"I watched you die. The last thing you said to me is that of all the things you had done, you never would have caused me any harm." He swallows roughly. "I still believe that."
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All the things he's done? That could mean any number of things but he had a feeling it wasn't about anything he'd have wanted Er Ge to know about which is why he's silent for a long moment, his eyes closing as he considers how to respond.
"...What do you mean, all the things I've done, Er Ge?" It's a quiet question, his voice carefully neutral.
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Cowardly of him, perhaps, but there it is.
"I had always known, that you - that A-Yao was capable of many things, things others might find unsavory. I believed he always did them for a reason, and I... I suppose that's still true."
He's supposed to be answering a question, he remembers, not trying to voice out loud what he had been turning over in his mind. He exhales, taking another drink of tea.
"I taught Jin Guangyao Cleansing, to play for our sworn brother. He used it to kill him. He killed his father. He orchestrated the death of his half-brother, assisted in the downfall of Wei Wuxian, and when he was almost found out, he sent all the other Sect leaders to what he hoped would be their deaths."
Among others - if he's honest, it's hard to keep track of all the crimes that had been thrown at Jin Guangyao's feet, and he is, perhaps, being selective in the ones he remembers, the ones he thinks people would hold against him.
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"I was not complicit in Jin Zixuan's death. He was not like our father and while I did step into the role he left behind, it was never my intention for him to die. As for Wei Wuxian, he was torn apart by his own workings as far as we know. Lan Wangji fought and injured the elders of your own sect to try and protect him at the last, but he died in the burial mounds. As for the last, I assume it hasn't happened yet." Although the fact his crimes will come out is something he's not exactly happy over.
"...Da Ge was a thorn in my father's side and I was....there were factors there that made it necessary for his removal." He doesn't even try to defend the murder of his father though, that was something Jin Guangshan had more than earned.
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He nods at the confirmation that Nie Mingjue's death - and the method Jin Guangyao chose - is the same in both their worlds. He could be lying in what he admits to, of course, but then surely - surely he would deny his involvement in Nie Mingjue's death, would insist that he had not turned what Lan Xichen had taught him into a death sentence.
There were factors that made it necessary for his removal, and Lan Xichen wants to scream, to ask how Jin Guangyao had gotten to that point, how he could look at someone Lan Xichen thought they both cared for and see him as an obstacle for removal -
But he has no energy left for shouting, no fire in him for anger. He's had enough time for guilt to twist its way down and take its place.
"It seems our worlds are still somewhat alike, in how much I did not see, and how badly I failed you both."
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Even if he had lived, though, our relationship would never have been what my Er Ge would have wanted. Da Ge was too unbending and unwilling to see any viewpoint beyond his own at that point. It may have been different in your experience, though, I don't know all the circumstances, after all."
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"I asked too much of you both." It was selfish, thinking he could have them both, wanting them to put aside their differences and see each other the way he saw them. Perhaps - perhaps they saw each other more clearly than Lan Xichen ever did.
He shakes his head. "I did not mean A-Yao and Da Ge. I meant A-Yao and you, that both versions of me must have failed you both." He turns the teacup around in his hands, an odd warmth sparking in his chest that he can't quite place. "I wanted you to come back to Cloud Recesses with me, but I never asked. This is what he's always wanted, I told myself, what right do you have? It was so easy, to tell that to myself - this is between him and his father, this is the business of another Sect, stay out of it, you have no right. I thought... if I could just be there, if I could promise my friendship and support, perhaps - but what did I ever do to prove it? What did I ever do but close my eyes, while you did what you felt you had to for your own security, your safety?"