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TDM 005: HAPPY SPOOKTEMBER
| TDM 005: HAPPY SPOOKTEMBER |
Arrival  This time, you come out of the water, the Nameless Island's own inherent energy drawing people in. It's like being suspended between realities and abruptly pushed from behind through a rift in dimensions. It may make you sick, or that might be the motion of the ocean, lifting you to the surface and carrying you to shore. Waterlogged and covered in sand, new arrivals will be greeted by robots who welcome them with towels and bracelet devices. The A5 card is already loaded up. Feel free to explore the Island, though there isn’t much to see. Most of the buildings are abandoned and in dire need of repair, and beyond the city lingers a thick fog that obscures much of the wilderness from view. Wander too far into this fog, and you will find yourself mysteriously looping back to where you began, your memories of what you were doing and how you got there erased. With that in mind, it may be wise to stake your claim on a rundown apartment, a tent on the beach, or a bed in the "comfortable" new barracks. Your inventory will be found a day later, wrapped up haphazardly and delivered to each person's makeshift home. I. Harvest Hunt  As the daylight grows shorter and the muggy heat of the island’s summer gradually shifts to temperate days and chilly nights, Erku’s accessible wilderness explodes with a colorful collection of tempting fruits, fragrant-smelling herbs, and nuts and seeds plumped and ready for harvest. With warnings to beware of monsters, the robots of Erku encourage Islanders to take advantage of the land’s bounty by distributing basic camping supplies to those who are interested in exploring, hunting, and harvesting. They strongly encourage making the journey with a friend! Any surplus foods that Islanders bring home with them can be exchanged for credits with cafeteria robots! Just be careful out there - some of these fruits have strange effects once consumed. For extra protection out there in the wilds, the robots have fashioned crowns of flowers or foliage to wear on their adventures. The sweet and herbal smells from the crowns will discourage most Erku-native monsters from approaching, they assure - this is ancient knowledge from the planet’s long-gone civilization, so it can’t be wrong! What the robots don’t know is that the crowns have a deeper, more ritualistic purpose: after a few hours, the scent of flowers or herbs begins to awaken primal instincts within the wearer. Those who are wearing the foliage crowns feel overwhelmed by an urge to hunt, while those who wear the flower crowns delight in every opportunity to tease, outrun, and outwit the hunters. What happens when the chase ends? Well, that depends on the personalities and the chemistry between the hunters and their prey. While the robots are very insistent on placing crowns atop the heads of any Islander they see, they aren’t stuck on in any way and they are easy to remove, which can prevent or break the hunting trance. II. seeds and sap  Of particularly high credit value, the robots explain, is an elusive flower known as the skull sunflower. It appears exactly as one might imagine: at the center of an otherwise innocuous, towering sunflower is the gruesome visage of an open-mouthed skull. Don’t worry, the flowers are harmless! Even if it’s strange how the empty-socketed eyes seem to follow your every move. And why is it that the teeth - which, on closer inspection, are actually the seeds of the flower - only seem to chatter when your back is turned? Any Islander who can withstand their heebie-jeebies long enough to collect the petals and seeds from the flowers will fetch a handsome reward in credits upon exchange with the robots. Beware the sticky, blood-red sap that seeps from the eyes of each skull, however. Those who absorb too much through their skin will begin to hallucinate, visions of frightening or emotional events from their past dancing in the shadows. One might even mistakenly imagine that another Islander is someone they recognize from their past, someone who meant something to them - no matter whether that person is alive or dead in the present. The hallucinogenic effects of the sap can last for hours, or they can be shortened by a dip in the public baths. III. Tarot  Night comes, and in the darkness, a robot sets up a table by the beach. A solitary candle sits in the center, illuminating a deck of cards. F̶i̴n̵d̸ ̸y̶o̸u̸r̵ ̵f̵o̸r̷t̵u̶n̶e̷?̴ The robot reveals tarot cards and will do a variety of spreads to tell your fortune. Each fortune can be distilled into one central theme, which characters will find pervades their life for the next 24 hours. There is magic afoot: it can be sensed, and perhaps even dispelled, if luck is on your side. Though most robots on the island show a capacity for greater-than-average artificial intelligence, this pseudo-psychic 'bot -- M.S. Cl30 -- is less advanced. It only has six interpretations prepared:
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tw//ref to sexual abuse and war crimes
[ thinking of a rose, in palau. thinking of a unicorn and how brutal it was. the way his captain worked to get banagher to their side, to make him understand, to no avail -- he is angry at a lot of things, angelo remembering things that made him hate humanity even more. mineva telling them that that is not the real char aznable, as if that was the end of the discussion. his captain, his purpose, and the mask.
and here char aznable is, saying that there is nothing to know. is he too young to know what's coming for him? axis, perhaps, was nothing more than an inconvenience to him at this point, not carrying with it everything that it had become when it made a weary trek to the planet, only to be turned away last minute in that brilliant display of light. angelo looks at his hands, the way they were locked over his knees. ]
I care for the Captain, because he rescued me. When Side 3 was caught in the aftermath of rioting Federation soldiers against Zeon forces, my family and I suffered for it, before the rest of them died. And there are many other things that happened in between -- you know. [ perhaps he would understand, more than garma would. ] You know how deep these grudges go and how animalistic people can be.
I was in a state in Side 3 where I .... existed. Becoming nothing more than filth, a whore, living in the gutter and among the company of terrible adults, until the Captain came and took me away. I owe my life to him. He gave me a reason to exist.
That is why I have to go back, but this is also why you have to be protected. My Captain cannot exist without you. [ and angelo ... may not understand the circumstances behind full frontal's creation, but he understands enough. ]
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And there was a lot to unpack. Char was a smart man, borderline brilliant; he could connect the dots on what truly happened to Angelo, what a whore meant. He absolutely understands, although respectfully doesn't reply to that either. This was Angelo's burden, his wound to bear. It would always exist, as with the wound inflicted upon himself by the Zabi family.
Char was a smart man but not particularly empathetic, couldn't afford to be. Nonetheless, he feels the slightest twinge of guilt for Angelo, a pretty person with such sorrowful eyes.]
Isn't it painful?
[Echoing his earlier question, observing Angelo with a muted expression.]
Such a reminder, sitting right beside you... a stranger wearing someone else's face.
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[ and char can get the feeling that he is not welcome to it, at least not right now. angelo can speak of his own past freely because he'd thrown it away. all of his life is devoted to his captain. but full frontal deserves a lot of things. ]
It is painful.
That being said, who you are and where you are going, the choices that the Red Comet makes -- all of it is necessary. All of it will lead to the inevitability of my Captain. It is your nature, after all.
[ angelo isn't really deceptive or subtle by nature, but char can glean, perhaps, that what he's waiting for is the inevitability of time and age from char. that is: data being distilled in the horror of a psychoframe, which can only happen through time. that much, that certainty -- he knows it well from his captain, knows it well from this char.
the reality is, however, if his captain's description of things is anything to go by, then char aznable hasn't really known any sort of contentment or happiness for a while. and even those who claim such memory of him disputes it; is uncertain; can't really lay claim to the man they thought he was. at least angelo's task is fairly clear -- to serve his captain, nothing else, to act as he would approve, to do as he would bid him to be. ]
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[The inevitability of the Red Comet... he doesn't like the sound of it. Never liked the title, for all the benefits it may have bestowed. Too much attention from too many people and as it was once said, Char Aznable never learned to love the human race. Still, he can't pretend to overlook that purposeful show of vulnerability. Char never forgets anything, after all, even if it hurts.
Especially if it hurts.]
But at least for now, I'll stand with you. You don't have to follow me, or obey me, or any of that.
[He dares to smile, if in a wry sort of way.]
So just be your plucky little self, alright?
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How casually you talk.
[ for a man who has told him that, despite all appearances, he was quite uncomfortable at the moment. he did not have the immense pressure one feels with full frontal. he was just himself -- char aznable, until he decides that he should bring the full weight of that title on someone. his captain was someone who couldn't not be himself, in contrast. there wasn't much of anything to lay claim to, with full frontal ....
angelo smooths the sheets beneath his hand, dull white, rough against his palm. ]
You are more human than I expected, in fact. [ it's not a disappointment, just an observation. ]
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[Almost too casually:]
Seems like it might be the same for you, Lieutenant.
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unfair, that the red comet can just speak as he wishes. there is a lot more personality here than he'd care to deal with; it is excessive, compared to his captain, who always seemed to be the pinnacle of restraint. a complete opposite. the only time, he thinks, that full frontal was excessive was when he fights; and even then, it's controlled.
how he misses him. char, being here, just keenly reminds him of that. the char he knows will have plenty of affairs here and there; he wonders if he'd ever been devoted to anyone, other than the feverish way he wants to destroy that gundam. ]
Is there anything else you'd like to know?
[ hmph. ]
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[...well, that was even worse. Welcome to the Char Aznable experience, where it can and will get worse and in every possible instance.]
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There is a bar here. You can go by yourself.
[ is angelo going to let char aznable go by himself, by his lonesome, in this wasteland, therefore becoming a hazard to anyone and everyone? hm. tough question. ]
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[Dude. That's how alcoholism happens, and he's too early in his career for that sort of vice. And unfortunately such a huffy response only encourages him, and that polite distance seems to disappear at once as he leans over into Angelo's space. Definitely not a very Captain move, although it was arguably smooth.]
Isn't that a little sad? Don't you want me to maintain my sterling reputation?
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[ oh. wow he's super close. that's not a captain thing, full frontal would never. but the captain -- and his eyes are so blue, as he always thought they were --
angelo gets real hissy at him, that pink mouth pressed rather disapprovingly into a scowl. ] -- Char.
[ he sighs, running his fingers through the waves of his pale hair, annoyed at how quickly this beast moves. ]
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[But only kind of, apparently, and he whisks past that little observation with impressive speed. Three times faster at ruining relationships!]
Just a friendly offer, though, so don't feel compelled. I can find my own way.
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not something he's going to admit to char. but he didn't realize he'd held his breath as he drops that, and then angelo thinks, how unbearable it must've been to have the attraction, the attention, of the red comet. the way his captain sometimes focuses on a gundam, distrusting everything else but intuition and experience, powering through like a monster. though really, where angelo is concerned, that kind of attention from his captain is more than welcome than this, if only because it's from the person he wants it from the most; even if a lot of people find full frontal unbearable. unjustly so.
angelo leans against the wall, stretching his limbs over the bed, crossing his ankles as he watches him. ] You're free to conduct your affairs as you choose.
I'm not one for drinks, however. [ he'd gotten rid of that vice a while back. ] Please drink responsibly.
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But only kind of, and given what Char has been told of his sordid past, he also knows better than to press the issue.]
Sure thing, Angelo.
[Patting the other man on the shoulder, he leans back again.]
But you really saved my hide out there. So let's just say I owe you one, then.
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[ phrased like that, there's less of a struggle of competing interests in his mind, and angelo finds it agreeable. he is correct, however. it is the kind of mindset that had been held, willingly or otherwise, in the palm of someone barely human who had transformed his will to live into a Will for all, his own will, the one angelo would dedicate his life to until he dies. or until full frontal makes a home out of his loyal hands and a future can be thought of, but angelo isn't thinking of a future.
strange that this place is making him have to reconsider such ideals, in order to adapt. it feels like poison, in a way. angelo doesn't quite know what to feel about it. ]
.... may I ask what you saw?
[ what does the red comet see, when he's distraught? how curious. ]
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That discomfort returns at once as Angelo inquires about the vision. Char had already scrubbed it from his mind, because he was extremely selective about his neuroses and cultivating the compartmentalized remains of his sanity. But Angelo hits on it right away and reminds him that yes, you are still very much mad and drags him back forcibly to that awful moment.
And even if he claims not to care, he prefers not to think about it.]
Does the name "Zeon Zum Deikun" mean anything to you?
[His hands fold and unfold on his lap, undeniably anxious.]
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[ angelo .... looks like he's about to add something, but doesn't. you made a speech, he wants to say, back when you were known as the supreme leader of neo zeon. but this char did not want to know too many things about the future. if it were a matter of fathers and relations as such, then certainly, he can understand it to be a memory unwanted.
it occurs to angelo that there really is very little recorded when it comes to the truth of char aznable's life. a man who knows when to be comfortable and when not to, especially only on his terms, such a man knows what to reveal and what not to reveal. it won't be the first time he questions what information they have over char aznable, of course, but really, angelo is only interested on behalf of his captain. ]
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Zeon abandoned his family and went mad with his desire to convince the masses of his so-called Newtype theory.
[Fold, unfold, fold, unfold, fold...]
I watched him lose his hold on reality. To be honest, I wouldn't wish it upon the worst Zabi. His mind evaporated into tiny little pieces and even if they hadn't taken him out, he would've killed himself anyway. His wife couldn't save him, nor his daughter, not even his son. Nothing in the world could sway him.
[You couldn't hold me, not even once. Not even your own son, not even in a dream.]
He was waiting on the shore. I saw him and I thought I was dead, meeting him down there in hell.
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[ and he does mean it, even if he recognizes that he's rather ill-equipped to deal with char aznable's sorrows. perhaps it's not meant for one person, anyway.
however -- ]
.... Do you not believe in Newtypes? [ "so-called"? his memory where the newtype theory is concerned is blurry, but surely there was some interest already back in his time? stories about char being a newtype are rife in the records, after all. ]
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[So yes and no. Char doesn't deny that belief, not exactly, but...]
Just like the nukes of the twentieth century... countries will squabble over us, mass produce us, and then discard us, all at their own discretion.
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and from hereon now, when angelo speaks, all of his talking points sound like words that were borrowed from someone else greater than he is. a ghost, talking to a man, adding to the number of things that will haunt the red comet. ] However .... the will of the collective is to become more than just weapons. To have an existence that is more than just existing, or a constant cycle of war. Autonomy that isn't just conditional.
[ he doesn't know how much should he say. char probably knows, by now, that he is not a strategic mind or a political one. full frontal kept him as a blade in the hand, his attack dog, the demon that protects the red comet, but there are better, more capable soldiers than angelo. and of course it didn't occur to angelo that the reasons might be sentimental, so far removed is his captain from what seems to be human.
angelo is reminded of a mask in his desk, carefully hidden. so he will remind him, or let him know, what the red comet is for, whether he likes it or not, whether he wishes to accept it or reject it. ]
All spacenoids want the right to self-governance, but the Federation will never grant us that. The Captain spoke at length of his eventual goal: economically, to freeze out the Earth from space and let it become completely uninhabitable for humans until they have no other choice but to abandon it. Once the Federation government collapses, the Republic of Zeon will be the only government remaining.
For all of space to agree on this, you need a symbol, a cause for everyone to unite behind on. And power. An immense amount of it. [ and he doesn't need to elaborate on that symbol, probably. and where power comes from. ] Newtypes are but one facet of this war.
[ so far removed from the ideals of zeon, and for whatever passes as the ideals of char aznable. this, he did not mention to garma, because he highly doubts garma zabi has envisioned something like this in his lifetime, even as a zabi. angelo speaks with the fervent zealotry of someone who is devoted to his own captain: ] Humans are too weak and too repulsive to be relied on for the future, hence the Captain moving on towards the future. Taking on the challenge no matter how difficult it is. In time, everyone will realize that this is the only way to move forward.
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[Probably a disappointing remark, but it was the pure and honest truth. From the mouth of a man who would someday become an even bigger legend.]
And I don't want to be anything or anyone but the man that bests Amuro Ray. At least for now, that's all that matters to me.
[His father was dead. His dreams were dead too. And his own mind had been lost, just as long ago, by his seventh birthday. He was not loved and would never be. Lalah was a tool, a means to an end, a rescued runaway. All he felt was rage. All he could think about was besting Amuro and beating the Gundam and tearing down Zeon in the waning days of the war.
He doesn't care about the collective will. He doesn't care about this illustrious Captain. He doesn't care about Angelo, beyond his usefulness. He has lost his mind and lost his capacity as a human being. It's hard to act with so few cards left to play. But maybe that was exactly what he wanted, and at least he could pretend. At least for now, that's all that matters.
As he has done all his life, Char looks away from his responsibilities and stares at the peeling paint on the wall.]
Federation or Zeon, Newtype or Oldtype... we're all consigned to the same exact fate.
[Extinction.]
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How childish!
[ "the man that bests Amuro Ray". well. not to be an asshole, but he will not, and there is a reason that gundams progress as much as they do after the war. the man was a trigger whether he likes it or not, and while the red comet held himself admirably against him -- angelo knew his history well enough, as to what came after that.
but the idea that char could be somebody else, not wanting to lead anyone -- there is a future waiting for them. angelo will not have it; this is not the kind of resolve he was expecting from char aznable. but at the same time .... he doesn't have to do anything. he doesn't have to stop char aznable, because char aznable does what he wants and they were only there to follow him, to whichever grave the red comet will lead them to. palau. dakar. or out in the edges of space. he doesn't know now, but he will, inevitably. eventually.
how ridiculously misguided everyone had been when they claimed that they remembered char best. the only people who knew him are dead. therefore, it stands to reason that whatever his captain say should've been authoritative. but everyone clung to char aznable like hope, insidious and poisonous to the most desperate of minds, when he himself, right here, is saying that he doesn't want anything else other than to beat amuro ray. that he knows only extinction awaits him.
spitefully, angelo thinks to himself, soon you will wish you were granted that favour. ]
You sound like a gambler. Profiting off the war for your own selfish, emotional reasons, only that you are the Red Comet and therefore thinks you can make do with a losing hand by yourself. [ angelo scoffs as he repeats to him -- ] "I only want to beat a Gundam." Certainly that's a noble goal. But there is a future in which you will be a part of, already are, whether you like it or not, Char Aznable.
And the more you seek power, the more it becomes inevitable. You cannot avoid who you are. Years and years later .... you still have that same streak in you. [ this is more personal, than anything else, but angelo is thinking of the unicorn, fighting the sinanju, and the tone of his captain's voice when he saw the unicorn, once more: ah. we meet again. like an old friend, the worst kind of enemy, and angelo resents it. ]
But I suppose it's nice to be hopeful. [ a snake, angelo smiles at him in an ugly manner, taught to him by someone who also doesn't care beyond the will that occupies a vessel painted in red. taunting char to hold on to such ideals, to see how long can char hold onto them like they were the only childhood he ever knew. angelo was no strategist, certainly, but the captain who held him was beyond humanity. ] Here, at least, you have truly become no-one, not leading anything or anyone.
[ and hey, that's a goal achieved, right? box ticked. roll snare, curtain call. it's good that he renounced the rank of captain to him. angelo feels, more and more, that he does not deserve it. ]
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[Congratulations, Angelo, you have his attention. He didn't mind being called out as a coward; he didn't mind suffering through another speech, cradled in the bosom of Zeon. But he did mind imposition, presumption, and someone attempting to assert themselves as an authority figure. Because he may not want to lead anyone or be anything, but one thing he was not...]
Because to me, that just sounds like slavery.
[...was a slave.]
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To be given a reason to exist? To know your purpose? To toil towards a future and a will? That is not slavery. That is devotion. Do you know how that feels? Or have you completely lost it in your Zaku, or to the Zabis?
More than that, can you genuinely say that you are free of this Gundam? That anytime you choose to, you can walk away from this fight? [ good. if he has his attention, angelo will court it with the arrogance of a beast. he tucks a curl behind his ear and leans back against the rather flat pillows of his bed, lazily, regarding him with such indifference. ] You think too highly of yourself for someone who will never know freedom, not unless you are in a mobile suit and fighting.
[ angelo smiles serenely, the only reason that he is able to being that he is not entirely looking at char. not at all. ] You may think whatever you think it is that you want. I will be here, Captain. I will take care of you, as always, once you realize where your search for freedom will take you. I will wait.
[ angelo has always belonged to the ghost of char, the second coming of the red comet, the king of the dispossessed. char doesn't know it yet, but he will. this snake is here to coil around him, to remind him of his bad traits and habits, to encourage them and make them even worse. and perhaps, the most tragic of them all: that angelo accepts all of those faults, forgives them, loves them besides. the most terrible lalah nobody asked for. and yet. ]
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