[Xiao Xingchen's expression twists as he listens to more of Xue Yang's words. Aghast horror, indignation, even shame all spin around inside him, chest and stomach all full with the suffocating emotions as his throat tightens. What he thought before has been dashed—he can tell already that a few words to confront the man won't sway Xue Yang's behavior either way, his desires now laid bare without room for misinterpretation. Perhaps if there was another face there, he could give a bitter laugh, trying to ignore all of the moments in Xue Yang's behavior that don't make sense—that shouldn't matter. But Xue Yang knows that he's weak to this face, and even the chilling way he speaks right now still pricks at Xiao Xingchen's heart, the weakest, unguarded part of him that can never be fully disillusioned.
Funny, because the face would have meant nothing to him.
After a breathless silence, his expression softens. A sense of resignation to something? Not of surrendering. His hand comes up to brush against that face, a deep pain and sorrow in the eyes he shouldn't have.]
I could have done even more than that.
[Under a trembling sigh:]
I could have loved you.
[Maybe that much of a concession will make Xue Yang be the one to laugh instead, and realize just what a fool Xiao Xingchen is. At least he can revel in the damage already done as a consolation prize. Or maybe the strangeness of the very idea will stun Xue Yang into silence, so he won't say words like those anymore.
Not that Xiao Xingchen intends to stay to find out, as his body twists and he reaches for the side of the boat. He puts all of his strength into pushing against Xue Yang's grip, twisting and turning himself to try to reach the water.
Even if he has to run back to the cafe sopping wet and naked, it would be easier than staying here.]
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Funny, because the face would have meant nothing to him.
After a breathless silence, his expression softens. A sense of resignation to something? Not of surrendering. His hand comes up to brush against that face, a deep pain and sorrow in the eyes he shouldn't have.]
I could have done even more than that.
[Under a trembling sigh:]
I could have loved you.
[Maybe that much of a concession will make Xue Yang be the one to laugh instead, and realize just what a fool Xiao Xingchen is. At least he can revel in the damage already done as a consolation prize. Or maybe the strangeness of the very idea will stun Xue Yang into silence, so he won't say words like those anymore.
Not that Xiao Xingchen intends to stay to find out, as his body twists and he reaches for the side of the boat. He puts all of his strength into pushing against Xue Yang's grip, twisting and turning himself to try to reach the water.
Even if he has to run back to the cafe sopping wet and naked, it would be easier than staying here.]