eadwulf can feel a frustrated stinging behind his eyes, in the back of his throat, and he wills that away. he doesn't want to tear up right now; he'll save that for later, when he's alone. he's experienced in pushing down the harder things, so he swallows the tears and drags his fingers from his eyes to his cheeks, where he presses them a little harder. blue eyes, bluer now with the threat of tears, stare into the middle distance, unwilling to look caleb in the eyes. calling him by his new name feels like a second nature, because it has been for so long...

"you loved me back," is all he says after a long moment, his voice strained. that is, easily, what hurts the most. in his memory, caleb had resisted his arrival at first, hadn't trusted him and insisted they sleep apart, but he had been open to learning. open to eadwulf, as a whole. but it had taken time... or, he supposes now, it hadn't at all. there had been no time.

"you learned how, and i got to know who caleb is, now. you let me back in."