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Jin Guangyao | 金光瑶 ([personal profile] taintedpeony) wrote in [community profile] ercookies 2021-04-28 01:41 am (UTC)

Lan Xichen seemed to be a touchy subject for both of them. However, after a long time, he said.

"I wish we all had the opportunity to make better choices. I'm still upset at him. I am. But it wasn't entirely his fault either. It was mine. I accept it. I was the one who chose to make those decisions. I think it was being caught up in the fear of what my father would do to me and what your brother did.

Xichen also was struggling with Wangji at the time, rebuilding Gusu. I...understand how he was thinly stretched.

I just...Both of them saw what they wanted to see in me. Mingjue was convinced I was a filthy irreparable villain and Xichen could only see the good in me. I sometimes felt as if I was being pulled apart at the seams at these two opposing views, and neither could see me as I am only what has reflected them, like polished metal. I loved them both. But sometimes they made it so hard.

Where am I in that? Who can I be within those lines? Most of the time I don't know the answer to that myself.

Oh, Huaisang. I...You don't belong in a cage. I lived in a golden one as well, and it's tiring."

He reached out and tentatively touched his hand, just a light brush of fingers.

"Then let us not think for a while. We've been given a new life in a new world. Let us bury the past of it in the cultivation world where it belongs. Let us build our home for what we want it to be.

Somewhere beautiful. Somewhere safe. A place our shared people can be happy. One where we can heal and be happy as well, someday."

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