"I suppose that's some comfort. I haven't failed in my leadership."
It was true that in the early days, Huaisang had been genuinely unprepared but he'd adjusted to his new role much more quickly than he'd revealed to the cultivation world. The Qinghe Nie would not have followed a leader as incompetent as the Headshaker for ten years. Maintaining control over his sect during his masquerade had been a difficult and exhausting balancing act on its own.
"Many would have benefited if Xichen-ge had made better choices," Huaisang says in a flat voice, his expression hardening briefly with the words.
His bitterness toward the man whose company he'd delighted in as a youth still hasn't dissipated. Maybe it will one day after the anger and resentment has had more time to fade. Right now, the wound is still too raw and picking at it is only going to make it worse. Once his tea's refilled, Huaisang resumes sipping it to soothe his nerves. Once they're a bit more settled, he speaks again.
"Maybe I should've let you win, then. Being locked away with pretty things sometimes doesn't sound half bad to me now. I could use a break from thinking about everything all the time."
But instead, Huaisang's looking at a future of loneliness. Even if he manages to repair his reputation enough to find a suitable wife, he's unlikely to fall in love with her. He'd sacrificed what few friendships he'd had. Those with knowledge of what he'd done will never trust him again. What does he have left to look forward to back home now? Nothing.
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It was true that in the early days, Huaisang had been genuinely unprepared but he'd adjusted to his new role much more quickly than he'd revealed to the cultivation world. The Qinghe Nie would not have followed a leader as incompetent as the Headshaker for ten years. Maintaining control over his sect during his masquerade had been a difficult and exhausting balancing act on its own.
"Many would have benefited if Xichen-ge had made better choices," Huaisang says in a flat voice, his expression hardening briefly with the words.
His bitterness toward the man whose company he'd delighted in as a youth still hasn't dissipated. Maybe it will one day after the anger and resentment has had more time to fade. Right now, the wound is still too raw and picking at it is only going to make it worse. Once his tea's refilled, Huaisang resumes sipping it to soothe his nerves. Once they're a bit more settled, he speaks again.
"Maybe I should've let you win, then. Being locked away with pretty things sometimes doesn't sound half bad to me now. I could use a break from thinking about everything all the time."
But instead, Huaisang's looking at a future of loneliness. Even if he manages to repair his reputation enough to find a suitable wife, he's unlikely to fall in love with her. He'd sacrificed what few friendships he'd had. Those with knowledge of what he'd done will never trust him again. What does he have left to look forward to back home now? Nothing.