He glanced down at the trembling hands but made no move to help. He focused on his own drink taking a sip as he listened to him intently. At the time he and Xichen had done their best helping and handling Qinghe Nie, assisting whenever they could. Perhaps it was partially because he did love him and also the guilt of what he had stolen from him.
His own feelings now were complicated, yes he harbored no rage for his killer. But there was also a deep wound there for both Nie Huaisang who had orchestrated his death and Lan Xichen who had carried it out.
Finally. He spoke.
"I am sorry you were holding onto this for so long. I can understand that rage that anger you must have felt. Not only my betrayal but Er-ge's ridiculous need to pacify. To keep the status quo and close his eyes to all the things right in front of his face." he closed his eyes, the tears from that wound threatening to spill over him. There were so many layers under that. How even after he had done so much for the man the second his masks fell to show all the ugly truths underneath...he saw only revulsion. He always knew that was the case with the cultivation world. Be good A-yao, lest they see how filthy you are.
All he had wanted was to have someone love him when he was at his ugliest. He was tired of being good for people in order to gain the tiniest bit of respect.
Lan XiChen didn't even look behind him.
Guangyao finished off the tea in his cup.
"I think it would have been better if we have never sworn that cursed brotherhood, sometimes."
After some thought, he looked at him seriously. "Nie Huaisang, you would have made a poor test subject. Besides, I got rid of a lot of that after I killed my father. The most I would have done was capture you somewhere, caged but filled with pretty things, that you wouldn't have to concern yourself with things on the outside world.
I can understand the fear. I've felt that kind of fear for most of my existence. That fear was one of the things that started this cursed thing, to begin with."
Without being asked to he refilled both of their cups.
"You did. You took down your enemy and protected your sect. You were and are a very strong and formidable man."
no subject
His own feelings now were complicated, yes he harbored no rage for his killer. But there was also a deep wound there for both Nie Huaisang who had orchestrated his death and Lan Xichen who had carried it out.
Finally. He spoke.
"I am sorry you were holding onto this for so long. I can understand that rage that anger you must have felt. Not only my betrayal but Er-ge's ridiculous need to pacify. To keep the status quo and close his eyes to all the things right in front of his face." he closed his eyes, the tears from that wound threatening to spill over him. There were so many layers under that. How even after he had done so much for the man the second his masks fell to show all the ugly truths underneath...he saw only revulsion. He always knew that was the case with the cultivation world. Be good A-yao, lest they see how filthy you are.
All he had wanted was to have someone love him when he was at his ugliest. He was tired of being good for people in order to gain the tiniest bit of respect.
Lan XiChen didn't even look behind him.
Guangyao finished off the tea in his cup.
"I think it would have been better if we have never sworn that cursed brotherhood, sometimes."
After some thought, he looked at him seriously. "Nie Huaisang, you would have made a poor test subject. Besides, I got rid of a lot of that after I killed my father. The most I would have done was capture you somewhere, caged but filled with pretty things, that you wouldn't have to concern yourself with things on the outside world.
I can understand the fear. I've felt that kind of fear for most of my existence. That fear was one of the things that started this cursed thing, to begin with."
Without being asked to he refilled both of their cups.
"You did. You took down your enemy and protected your sect. You were and are a very strong and formidable man."