"Perhaps it's just easier not to feel. I know I've trained myself not to feel many things over the course of my life. I kept them in little boxes and organized them by name, like the treasures in my treasure room. The thing about boxing things up and keeping them at arm's length, not feeling them. There comes a point when the room is full and all the boxes just come out spilling everywhere.

Keeping it at bay. Keeping so busy that I am so tired that the dreams cannot get to me. I don't know how long such a thing would be viable for me to keep doing. The mask is already off and all I am left with is this cracked shell."

The exhaustion was very apparent in his face, in his posture. The years took a lot out of him the tight snare he had spent his life walking through always gouging him.

"She sounds lovely, you must have been a good patron to her. I wish you were able to free her." he grows quiet.

"She was the only person who really loved me. She was beautiful but so much more than that. Mama was kind, intelligent, played the qin like a fairy. I loved listening to her play. She really worked hard to make sure that I could have a good life.

She would have made a fantastic scholar if her life went differently. She was originally a merchant's daughter who was sold to pay a gambling debt. That type of thing happens to so many women... She used her education to make herself intriguing and it ended up being the thing that people kicked her down for. She was also so naive.

I'm afraid of what she would say to me if she ever saw me. I think she might be disgusted. I miss her."