"I..I'm sorry that happened to you." and he had meant it. he did catch the sadness in his eyes. He's seen all kinds of things in his life, his father brutalizes women, and him having to clean up the mess, send the women away with gold, as if money is any kind of compensation. It was a blank look that he recognized.

"It shouldn't be.

I...I cannot say my own experiences with sex are well colored particularly well. And I've seen the worst of it in my life. Even if my first time, with..A-Su... was good the memory had been tainted with... well you know.

And I never did again until I came here. Even with Master Xiao, as kind and righteous as he was, I couldn't stop the breakdown that came afterward." He hadn't planned to talk about this but the words tumbled out of him, he was trying not to think about it since he got here.

"...I saw myself in the mirror, covered with both of our spendings, and just started bawling. I thought that I looked like the women at the brothel I grew up in. It was really humiliating to have him see me like that. And his kindness just made me feel more humiliated.

The second time, I was bought like some sort of piece of meat. collared and leashed. I know what I was getting into with him, I was expecting it when he bought me. I know how to deal with him but I didn't expect to take it in the ass like that either. I've never had a man in there, I was high off the food here but it was invasive and I don't know how to deal with it.

I know I keep saying I will do what it takes." his emotions were visceral, hands shaking on the tea cup he was holding.

"But I can't just help feeling so filthy. As filthy as the gentry believed me to be. Like I'm some sort of filthy whore, just like my mom."