[is this a good enough excuse to use the phrase double-team, sir]

Fortunately, you may have noticed we two are much larger than crabs. [He leans in closer to best mutter conspiratorially away from these crabs, that most definitely can understand what he's saying.] If we heckle one from two directions at once, it will have no choice but to seek refuge in the bucket itself!

[There's a pause then, in which he really resists saying it and pretends to have, like, one iota of self control, but nope—] I believe the appropriate term is pincer attack.